I can’t be anything other than what I am. I don’t wear “fake.” I’m not the type of girl that will smile and pretend to be your BFF and then tell everyone what a terrible person you are. It’s just not in me.
There’s several levels to this personality trait. I’m not a social person, but I don’t view being sociable as counter-intuitive. It’s good etiquette. Therefore, I normally behave as one ought. I’m helpful and courteous by default, even if I don’t like you. Because, ultimately, you’re a human and you deserve that kindness.
Where this largely comes into play is after a relationship, a bond, or even trust is broken. The husband tells me that I hold grudges, but honestly I simply agree with Mr. Darcy, “My good opinion once lost is lost for ever.”
Life is too short, and my energy is too precious, to spend it on people that have shown their true personalities. It’s not that I’m unforgiving; I’ve just become wary of insincerity and weary of the drama.
Another way this manifests is through my interactions with others. I have what I call a Reflective Personality, meaning you get what you give. This is a latent personality quirk. Without trying, I treat you exactly as you treat me. I can’t fake it. It just is.
The final way, and likely most relevant to you, readers, is through my creativity. Ultimately, if I’m not feeling it, you’re not getting it. Which is why I will sometimes go dark on this blog. I may disappear. I may not post for weeks. Ii just can’t share something that is forced or feels less than genuine.
So, I’m real. As Popeye would put it, “I yam what I yam.” What makes you real?